Why Kittens Chase Butterflies
by ReadYourHeartOut
Summary: A closer look into what Ritsuka feels when Soubi kisses him. It's the story of their growing closer, and his learning more about what it means to be a sacrifice. Thing will get more intense as their relationship develops.


"It's kind of dark, Ritsuka-kun… Are you sure you don't' want Yuiko to walk you home?"

"No, I'll be fine; it isn't too far, and the street lights are on," I told her with a shrug. "Thanks for having me over. I'll see you at school."

"Okay! Bye-bye, Ritsuka-kun!" I headed back toward my house now, hands in my pockets. I'd had dinner with Yuiko and her family that night, and it was nice not to have to be careful what I ate for once. Her parents seemed nice; they obviously loved her, and they were nice enough to me. They were a little concerned about my bandages, but I kept the conversation away from them. It was a good night, and they were a nice family, the three of them. Nothing perverse or wrong with them. Good for her.

When I got home, I went inside quietly to avoid catching my mom's attention. As I snuck past my parents; room on my way upstairs, I could hear them talking.

"You must see it, too; he's been behaving so strangely! Do you think he might be sick? Or maybe…"

"Misaki, there's nothing wrong with our Ritsuka," my dad told her calmly. "He's fine; you don't need to worry. Just try to get some sleep."

"I'm sure there's something troubling him. Ask Seimei to talk to him. I'm sure he would tell Seimei. You'll ask him, won't you?"

"…yes, dear." I shook my head and hurried up to my room. She still wasn't satisfied with me. I still wasn't _her_ "Ritsuka." My own mother, and she didn't even know me. Didn't want to. Trying not to think about it, I took off my jacket and started to change into my pajamas…but then I noticed the breeze in my curtains. The outside door was open. I didn't even have to see to know who was there.

"Soubi," I called. He didn't answer, so I sighed in frustration and went to the window to find him sitting on the balcony with his legs stretched out in front of him. Smoking. "What are you doing here? I'm tired; I don't have the energy to deal with you."

"I just wanted to see you. I came hours ago, but you weren't here." He exhaled a cloud of smoke and turned his blue eyes up toward me. "So I waited."

"I went home with Yuiko after school," I explained, leaning in the doorway. "Anyway, it's getting late—"

"Do you like her, Ritsuka? She doesn't seem your type, but I could be wrong…"

"Wh—of course not!" I snapped. "Besides, if I didn't, it wouldn't be any of your business." The corners of his mouth turned slightly upward.

"But you don't. So it's fine." He took a smug drag from his cigarette, thoughtful and quiet. I stared at him for a few seconds and let out an irritated sigh.

"It's late, and I'm trying to go to bed. You should leave."

"If you want me to go," he said. "Order me to go."

"Mph. Is that really necessary?" His smile widened a bit more.

"So you _don't_ want me to go."

"Tch. Do whatever you want," I grumbled, going back inside and leaving him where he sat. If he wanted to be difficult, that was _his_ problem; I wouldn't let him get to me. I went to the bathroom to change clothes, and when I came back, I found him sitting on my bed. I frowned and took his cigarette away, putting it out on the balcony outside. "I don't want my room smelling like smoke."

"Sorry," he answered, observing me. He smiled again and reached out to me. "Your pajamas are so cute. Come give me a closer look." I came back to the bed, but didn't sit down or let him touch me.

"I have school tomorrow; I need to get to bed."

"Lie down; I'll gladly hold you while you sleep," he offered.

"No, thanks. I'd rather sleep alone." He frowned and sighed softly, seeming depressed by my cool attitude.

"So independent. Why won't you let me help you?"

"Help me what? I don't need help," I argued, crossing my arms.

"Then why are you so irritable?" Soubi reached out and grabbed me around my waist to pull me down into his lap. "If you would let me, I could help you relax and feel much better."

"No! Whatever you're talking about, I don't want it," I hissed. "Let me go, you pervert…!" I struggled and fought my way out of his arms, squirming away onto my bed. While I glared at him from the corner near the wall, he just watched me sadly.

"…you aren't at all what I was told," he said after a moment. His fingers ran through his hair, and his eyes turned toward the ground. "So reluctant to use me. What can I do…?"

"What do you mean…?" I muttered.

"Your brother…" he said very quietly, almost talking to himself. "Would command me absolutely, without a second thought. He would use me however he saw fit. The way I was used to. I knew you were young, but somehow I expected…"

"It isn't my fault I don't know what to do." Little by little, my guard was lowered, and for some reason, I felt bad for upsetting him so much. I was sure if Seimei had been there, he would've made us both feel better. Soubi always said he was mine now. So why couldn't I do what he needed me to? Why couldn't _I_ make him feel better?

"I feel…directionless. When you push me away, where am I to go? When you won't control me, what am I to do?" His head rested in his hands. "Maybe it would be easier if he were here to tell me." Maybe so. Since I obviously wasn't any good at it.

"It isn't fair for you to act like this. You know so much more about all of this than I do. You knew him…better than his own brother," I grumbled. "And you say _you're _directionless? I miss him, too, Soubi." At that, he looked up sharply, then turned to stare at me in disbelief.

"…you think I'd rather have him than you…?" he asked.

"Am I wrong?" He sighed and shook his head.

"In a hundred different ways…" Gripping the front of my shirt, he pulled me close and added, "And I still want you." His lips met my neck and my face started to flush.

"What are you doing…? Get off me," I muttered, trying to push him away by his shoulders.

"Ritsuka, please don't send me away. When you do, you're denying the very reason for my existence," he breathed, his words flowing hotly across my skin. "I won't try to take it all…but you must let me have _something_…"

"I don't…have to give you anything…" I managed, trying to see clearly while he clouded my mind with kisses. A million different notions were passing through my mind at once: Soubi, Seimei, kiss me, go away, I want this, it's wrong…! So many things I wanted to say, yet none of them made it to my lips. Soubi pulled away from me for a moment and paused to look directly into my eyes. Moving just a little closer, he let his eyes close and our lips met, causing me to stiffen. Not satisfied with that, he moved even closer, brushing my lips gently with his tongue to ask entrance. Blushing darker than I ever did, I carefully allowed my lips to part, and Soubi slid his hand behind my neck to pull me closer. His tongue slipped into my mouth and warmly explored, sending shivers up and down my spine; my ears stood up straight, my tail fluffed out in panic, and somehow…that kind of kiss felt so good… It was just a kiss, right? So why…

"I love you, Ritsuka," he muttered when he finally released me.

"No, you don't…" Trying halfheartedly to pull away from him, I argued, "You're only saying that because Seimei told you to. You can't feel something just because someone orders you to feel it…"

"You don't understand. Whether I was ordered to or it occurred naturally, the feeling is still there, and it is absolute. I love you." He raised my hand to his lips and kissed it gently, so tenderly that I almost had to believe him.

"I don't know. I…don't know if I can trust you," I muttered, looking away. "You say you're mine, and that you want me to control you, and then you turn around and say how Seimei could do it better…"

"That isn't what I said. I said Seimei would do it without once thinking of me. All you need is experience. You need only say the word and I'm subject to your every command." Leaning forward to breathe softly into my ear, he added, "Ritsuka's words are law, and my reason for existence…is Ritsuka. Give me an order, _master_, and I shall carry it out exactly as you say."

"You're lying. Even right now, you're still lying. If I tell you to do something, you'll just find a way around it anyway," I told him. He didn't answer, nibbling gently on the sensitive tip of my ear and practically making me purr against my will. "Soubi…"

"Ah, that's a beautiful sound. Tell me what to do," he said, his hands running down my back dangerously near my hips. "Tell me how I should touch you, Ritsuka. I'll do anything you like. If I go too far, you can punish me severely. All I want is to fulfill you…"

"How can you say that? You're an adult, and I'm…I'm just…" My protests trailed off as he ran his tongue slowly up my neck, starting to suck on the ear that was hidden in my hair.

"You're my sacrifice," he told me softly, that voice of his filling my head with all kinds of unfamiliar thoughts I'd never even considered possible. Why was I suddenly so warm…? And there was tension in my stomach, heat and tightness, only adding to how frazzled I already was. "If I can't please you, I may as well die…"

"…die…?" I repeated quietly. Every second that he touched me, it was harder to think straight. His tongue rubbed along the shape of my ear, and I whimpered in my throat. Even if he was a pervert…even if he hurt and confused me…he was my only link to Seimei. We'd made memories together. If he died, those memories would be false… If he died, I would only have one more person to mourn. He wouldn't be there to pick me up from school. He wouldn't send me text messages too late at night. "You don't have to _die_…"

"Then let me carry out my purpose," he pleaded. "Let me be yours, Ritsuka." He had me on my back against the bed now, resting on my pillow. As he leaned over me, his hair made a curtain around us. His mouth was close to mine again… I could even feel his breath against my lips. Everything felt hazy and light; my head was swimming. Dizzy. If I didn't find something to focus on soon, I just knew I would go crazy. There was a battle going on in my head; my conscience waged war with this strange new desire I was feeling. I wanted…wanted him. I'd never felt anything like that before, but I could tell what it was; I _wanted_ Soubi to be mine. Squirming beneath him, wrestling with myself, I sat up and found myself kissing him again. My fingers held onto his shirt, clinging, and he gladly let me hold him close.

"Soubi," I mumbled against his lips. "I can't…my ears…"

"Your ears are safe," he promised. "I don't have to take them in order to serve you." I tried to answer, but he pressed me down harder against the bed and my voice was lost in the kiss.

Then I felt his hand between my legs, touching me through the thin fabric of my pajamas, and I bit down hard by accident. He let out a gasp of shock, and I quickly scrambled away from him, looking shakily up to find his lower lip bleeding. But the look on his face was…serene. He reached up to touch his lip, then looked at the bit of blood on his fingers.

"This, I understand. It was too fast." He bowed his head deeply. "I'm sorry."

"It's…it's okay," I muttered breathlessly, trying to make my heart calm down. "I just… I can't do that yet."

"Then I overstepped my boundaries. Punish me," he said earnestly, unbuttoning his shirt to show his chest. "Do whatever you like; I don't stop you."

"No. I've already told you I won't do that," I answered, trying my best to be firm in my decision; I didn't want to hurt him. I just wanted him to listen to me. Could I not have one without the other?

"Then let me make it up to you," he proposed. "Let me amend my misbehavior. Please."

"You don't have to do anything…" This was usually the part where I would get frustrated and tell him to leave. But this time, I didn't want him to leave. I didn't even feel angry. That night, I just wanted him with me. "Um…will you…stay, though?"

"Stay? Stay the night?" He seemed surprised that I was asking, but delighted nonetheless. "Of course. You're even saying I can sleep with you?"

"_Sleep_," I said cautiously. "And nothing else." Still, he was smiling.

"Progress. As I told you before, I'll be glad to hold you as you sleep." He slipped his shoes off and let his shirt fall to the ground, sliding under the covers. Strange as it was, this sudden closeness after all that…heat, I felt like that was what I needed. Lying there by his side felt more comfortable than I expected, and though I stiffened a little when he wrapped his arms around me, I quickly got used to it. And it was nice, being held that way.

"Soubi," I muttered as I made myself comfortable. "Don't try anything while I'm sleeping. That's an order." I squirmed closer, and my backside touched his hips, causing him to jolt slightly.

"Hm. And I thought you weren't going to punish me," he laughed under his breath. "I understand. Good night, Ritsuka…"

"…good night."

…

**A/N: Kinda weird writing Loveless after all this time. It has been a while. _ But I missed it. I missed them. So, I'm starting a new story! I'm not sure where it's going yet (other than No-Earsville for Ritsuka), but that's how my other Loveless story started, and it worked out just fine. So we'll see, I suppose. More as the situation develops.**

**Hint hint, reviews encourage me to write more.**


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